I spy you across the crowded room sipping a Vodka-tonic, your usual, standing amidst a buzzing swarm of pretentious, coked-out assholes, again... your usual. You pretend you don't see me but I know you know I'm here. In fact, you couldn't stop staring at me when I walked in tonight, yes that's right, here... in YOUR club.
How long has it been R____, two years?
Nothing has changed. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who's accomplished exactly jack-shit. It's comforting to know there are things that can always be relied upon in life such as gravity, taxes, the sun setting in the evening, and you. You and I, round and round we go.
When Narcissus gazed into that clear pool at his reflection so many years ago he fell madly, truly, deeply in love with himself. He remained seated by that pool until the day he died. The day he starved to death. Want to know why he really died?
A broken heart.
He knew he could never be with that person he saw coyly smiling back. It was a tragic, ironic, unrequited, comical love affair.
Like the love affair you have with yourself. Like the love affair I have with myself. Like the anti-love affair we have with each other.
When I gaze into your face, R____, what I see is a reflection of me. An incredibly precise reflection. However, unlike Narcissus, it's not love I feel. When I look at you I see the same fucked up, selfish, materialistic son of a bitch I face every morning. I see the same drug addled, angry, insecure weakling I see at night. I see the same arrogant, maladjusted, prideful prick I see gazing back at me in the john, after taking a piss... or upon jerking off for the umpteenth time.
Yeah... an anti-love to remember.
23 comments:
I honestly hope that your life isn't really as fucked up as you portray it to be.
I honestly do.
Have you seen Head On? You're starting to remind me of the main character in that film. Watch it, and you'll see what I mean.
And I really hope that I'm wrong.
I honestly do.
Let me answer that one Herm.
Snake - You need not be so worried about Hermes. He's actually doing fine. In fact - he spends most of his time relaxing at coffee shops, dinking around various antique stores, and volunteering at the homeless shelter. On the weekends he frequents the beach where he and a great group of close friends sit around a campfire and sing various tunes such as "Kum Byah" and "Country Road" while smiling and toasting marshmallows.
These events he writes about are in his past. So no worries Snake. Hermes is doing great. He's just venting. . . . And a damn good writer. ;)
I'm offering you, or your character, one completely hetero man hug.
This is raw honesty. That's pretty brave.
god snakehead that movie is fantastic. However, if Hermes here is starting to become like that guy named Cahit, then it would mean he's at some incredibly deep level of loathing and loneliness, up to the point where it becomes enjoyable.And in the movie, there is redemption through love. Do you remember that scene at the end when they meet again in Istabul with both of them a new, short, haircut?sort of symbolizes the sacrifices to make........or the essential bareness of sentiments.
dunno.
by the way, I thought narcissus died when he jumped into the pond to join his captivating self and drowned?
I like the argument here. Two very similar-minded people inevitably destroy each other's uniqueness and end up hating what becomes their "adversary"?
Lee, you like that movie? I hated it. It was one of the most depressing movie I've seen. The part where they got stripped and beaten up by the cop is just too much.
I don't remember that ending you're talking about. All I remember was that the main character finds satisfaction and solace in loneliness, self-loathing and being depressed. Remember the blow job seen towards the end? He is just fucked up.
Oh and by the way, Hermes, I'm also offering you a hug. A completely homo hug.
Hahaha... I just cracked myself up.
Wow, I sound like homophobe!
Is there an echo in here?
there you go:
IS THERE AN ECHO IN HERE
.......HERE......HERE
is there an ego in here......here.....here......
lol snakehead, sorry i didn't open the link page because I thought you were talking about this other movie also called head on
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0347048/
Yeah, that's a great description of why we find ourselves drawn to yet repulsed by some people. We all have mirrors in our souls.
Was that your reflection on her or was it her reflecting on you?
I love it how people try to judge these stories, especially when they are a bit too close to reality for any type of comfort.
Take-home messages?
Self-recognition is.
It just is.
Usually not a pretty picture.
I predict, the future will mirror the past, but only in as much as there will be a boundless series of tales that thrill and provoke and I will enjoy reading each and every one of them!
Snakehead. We all need drama and heartache... it builds character.
Colonialave. Yeah, the beach... Kumbayah... life is a box of chocolates in Hermes' neck of the woods.
Aydreeyin. Aren't hetero hugs also called "hip-hop" hugs?
LeeLoreya. The movie you refer to, is it also about a homosexual, drugged-out, directionless Greek boy?
Rae-Ann. My shoes also have mirrors.
Sar. Whoever said this is rock-bottom. I'm riding the sine curve baby.
G.D. Take home messages? Usually when someone takes home a message from my house it's in a Chinese carry-out box... like when you buy a feeder rat from the pet store.
Puzzy. Wait, you WANT to create feelings of anger and disgust in some poor fellow?
Vex. Ah, so that was you I saw at the end of the bar, passed out, hunched over your empty stein.
Autumn Storm. Oh they will provoke. Like when you go to the zoo and kids tap on the glass thus upsetting the gorilla.
i'm just glad this post refers to your past. ciao.
Are you comparing me to a gorilla????
lol
I'm feeling a bit left out...
Can someone give me one of those gay hugs too??
living it. and even when the reflection shatters we are still left flawed. nice post. i think it inspired me. thanks, i cant ask for much more than that.
Your post suggests a new marketing slogan: drugs - the anti-love.
Yeah, I counted and I have between 900 and 1200 love affairs per day. Each one of them a fraction of the depth of a summer day's puddle. And I'd not forgo a single one of them.
i love a good homo hug.
also...since i can never tell where reality ends and fiction begins with you...yet you always say that the whole thing very well may be made up...by putting an R_____ in there instead of, say, Rebecca, makes me think she's very real.
maybe i'm twisted as well, but i love love-hate relationships. it has too much chemistry.
Jay and Steve - Gay hug accepted. Just no stray hands on my balls or ass.
Lyza. Does it?
jkg. And I can't ask for kinder words. Thank you.
Tacit1. I'm always reminded of that episode of Star Trek where the Enterprise and it's crew encounters an evil Enterprise complete with a sadistic, goatteed Mr. Spock.
Extraspecial. Certain drugs have allowed me to truly fall in love... for a night.
Ruksak. Likewise. I find beauty in all.
Jasmine. R____ or J____ are just nick's. I'm not creative enough to make up clever ones like "library Adonis."
Valerene. Did you know if you mix an acid, like Hydrochloric acid, with a base, lye, the result is a huge, catastrophic explosion? Oh, and water.
Wow, I was just referred by "Kathi" to peek at your blog---absolutely amazing writing...actually all of them really. This post hit a chord with me. You put this love/hate relationship into such perspective that it scares me.
You just described everything I ever went through.
Bravo! I'm a new fan now!
Deb. Thanks... and welcome.
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