Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Kid

What if it all should end and come tumbling down like the walls of Jericho? What will happen when the inevitable day comes where I find myself inexpressibly left with nothing?

They say when you lose everything are you able to truly do anything.

Freedom to fly away, with no reservations, away with the wind. Freedom to self-destruct. Freedom to die.

I knew an old man once, he seemed so wise. We’d spend hours together, I remember, and it always rained… always raining. He’d tell me stories about his days in the war. Amazing tales, larger then life, more life in those tales then I could every possibly imaging living… even now. To this day.

If I lost you I’d have nothing left, little man. Because of you I get out of bed, and eat, and try to dream. I have to dream, for us. For you and me. And sometimes I hate myself for being so selfish. I know it’s not about me anymore, but I cling to the past like toilet paper to a shoe.

I continue to live because of you and even then it’s hard to do so, but I promise you I’ll try.

3 comments:

Trena said...

He looks like such a sweet little boy. The look on your face and the way you hold him is even sweeter. Never let go.

Anonymous said...

i love this pic...

latch on to your teacher, he is wise beyond his tiny years.

emeralda said...

children come through us and all we can do is teach them to walk by themselves...
if that is you and your kid i m even more in love with you now aaargh. your wife is lucky, despite the turmoils, despite the tragedy.maybe.
you know, i remember the house and the smell and the raspy voice of the old man you knew. you painted the picture into my head long time ago, some other post and it never went away.
you're like lonely roads.
some people god decided to give the gift of writing...
did you read erich fromm's 'the art of loving'? i know that sounds cheesy right now, but i never forgot the first page (that's as much as i read of the whole book lol), where he says how love is like a busines..and how crazy it is that people still invest in it although it has proven to fail so many fucking times...
true, tehy say, hope dies at last, but then...if you follow up this thought wouldn't it be interesting to say this about love then to: it is not a relationship. but it can be grown in relationships, like flowers in a garden...love cn be seen as the investment that 'God' or whoever, puts into your relationship (the business)....it's free money so to say, and so it feels in the beginning...and then...it's up to you to use the investment money in a way that makes the business thriving or waste it away....
sure, you can beg for a new investment in a new business but that will go well for only so long and it will leave you unsatisfied...people who fought for their business and brought it through...they look at it differently and they grow differently...because they aren't after the big money but they actually believe in their business....and their children and children's children profit from it...
because...
it's amazing to have parents who learned to love the hard way
the investment money can change, can transform into so much more