Solace

I have no words. I have no words and sometimes when we have nothing to say we simply sit in silence and watch. We watch the world change and evolve and we are impotent to act. We watch the people closest to us grow tired of us, or bored, and go away and sometimes we choose to intercede… but only sometimes.

And what I love about you is your beautiful, golden, sullen silence.

You and I are alone because we have chosen to withdraw into our own misery and hide away… to merely watch. Maybe we are both scared. I like to think you and I are on a “retreat.” Sounds like something pleasurable although it really isn’t. I wile away hours upon hours playing my “game” and you have your crossword puzzles and you tell me we are the way we are because we are both “water” signs and the stars and planets have chosen this path for us. I know the real reason we are the way we are is because at some point in our lives we were utterly broken and destroyed.

What I love about you is your quiet, prideful elegance.

The time I spend with you I cherish because you never ask me any questions. You are content to simply “be” around me. We sit on your patio sipping cocktails and smoking cigarettes watching the world pass us by. The “freakshow” as you call it. We sit together frozen in time like insects encased in amber. We are faded memories on a yellowed, blurred photograph.

And maybe this is what we both needed to heal… this solitude.

Yes, I think we both need each other, God knows I needed you, and somehow somewhere along the way I grew to love you. I love your sarcasm and pessimism and I think I love it because it mirrors mine. I love your obsession with old Hollywood Glamour, 80’s music, and interior design. You make me laugh. Most of all I love the fact you do not expect much of me save respect and adoration and I give you these things without asking any questions in return. I don't give you much else but please remember what I do give you is far more then what I have given anyone in the past 4 years of my life save my son.

So I raise my glass of wine and propose a toast… here’s to our continued retreat, may our beautiful sabbatical continue.