Nirvanic

Dearest Leon,

My journeys have now led me east, to the mythical land of dragons and demons. I have found refuge among the ascetics here in a remote monastery nestled in the frigid, snowcapped mountains.

I realize it has been such a long time since you heard from me last, I can only assume you surmised me dead. And this assumption wouldn’t have been too far off my dear friend. But by God’s graciousness, I have unshackled the stubborn locks the opium and absinthe held on my thoughts and my body. I am clean now. It was a terrifying journey, a horrible dream rife with suffering. I still suffer. They still haunt me. Sometimes at night I swear I can hear their hushed whispers outside my window. Sometimes at dusk I will see their fleeting shadows on the hillside and I must resist the urge to follow. Sometimes I will see the silhouette of a man in my peripheral vision… only to turn and find myself standing alone..

It has now been several years since I defected from the battalion but for the first time since childhood my thoughts are lucid. I commune with God daily Leon. I see him in every gesture, every fleeting glance outside - I commune with God even as I complete the mundane tasks assigned to me, when I clean or cook or mend the thatched roofs, he speaks to me. We hold such lively conversations. Perhaps I shall tell you of these conversations, in fact I hope to my friend, over tea and hot cakes… one day.

If I can offer any advice, and I feel so foolish offering advice to you or to anyone, but I will write down these words so I may thereby also remind myself: If you are alive then be truly alive. Just open up your eyes and pay attention to the signs. Pay attention to the color of the sky and of the endless night. This life you hold so near and dear will fade in time.

So just let go.

You shall hear from me again Leon. I anticipate my stay here shall continue for exactly a year and then…well, we’ll see which way the winds decide to blow.