dive pick-up

“ So why do you paint your nails black and wear mascara?” She’s testing me. Gauging me. Seeing how secure, or how insecure, I am.

I smile at her with big, brown, wet bedroom eyes, take a sip of my Corona and respond. “ Why do you do your hair that way? Hey why do you scrunch your nose when you smile? You look like a mouse…it’s cute though.”

She flinches and predictably laughs and pulls her hand up to her face to hide her nose. “ A mouse? That’s mean!”

I turn and point at her not-so-cute, overweight friend, whom is scowling at me like she wants to tear my balls off. “ Yeah I think YOU could take some lessons from your friend here, she has style. You need some work. Fuck, MY nails are better manicured then yours.”

I accomplish my goal and the friend’s face softens. Her eyes light up and her demeanor changes by approximately 180 degrees. She has been pulled into the conversation and her social value has been raised by a tiny amount, but it is enough.

“ Do you guys know each other from somewhere?” Her friend leans in and asks.

The cute one opens her mouth to answer and I quickly cut her off…. “ Yeah we know each other unfortunately….” I glare at my target… “ She’s my ex-girlfriend and she’s a bitch… And she still has like 6 of my cd’s and my Poison t-shirt.”

They both look at each other and break out in laughter

She plays along. “ Yeah and you’re not getting your cd’s back… but maybe I’ll give you your smelly t-shirt though.”

I smile and put my arm around her… “ I have an idea.. maybe…. maybe we should sleep together again, for old times sake. What do you think?” I wink. “ You realize I still have those naughty pics of you on my computer right?”

She pulls back, her face reddening and her smile widening. “ Ya right dick! I don’t think so.” But her hand lingers on mine.

Yeah, this girl is mine.