Flashback to moments left behind. Rewind to a happier time, sunshine down on carefree days of carefree play. A careful daze in tearful waves I recall the walk, the bittersweet road leading to a dead end cluster-fuck traffic jam of un-kept promises and deceit and of course if you’re lost and you look you won’t find me.
Chickenshit coward I’ve lost myself, hope and joy turned to gray, time after time you fell and in my hubris I looked the other way and pretended nothing happened. So you left, and went so far away, and all you left behind I stuffed in a pipe and burned as my eyes roll back fighting fears and fighting tears - I catch myself from falling down.
Death claimed you when you were so very young and I never had the chance to tell you that… I cared. I really do give a fuck and I fight the urge to drink and drink and drink, I fight it and I lose, because I do… I really do… don’t know what to do without you. This pain is nothing new since you left so far... so far...
2 comments:
The couch is too expensive, the doctor too busy and the pharmacist drags morality ... so I self-medicate. No ... nothing much is new anymore ...
the fascination and indulgence into this kind of pain and tragedy and pain and pain, is the fact, that we can't believe but we want to and we so desperately all want it, that there was this one person, and this love, and this overwhelming truth that it's echoes even are too much to bare as a single soul, shivering in the naked light that cast shadows so big, so sharp, so loud.
i have to admit, that i didn't mind the pain when he left.
i mind the pain that is too dull to bare. to boring. because, it is just a pain in the ass. something like, fuck, i have to make a big life decision but i don't. it sucks, sure, being at the wrong place sucks, sure, and that's the point. it sucks.
but the exquisite pain of having loved and lost
and losing
and the other side
and failure
it's worthwhile pain, it makes life in a weird way better. it's consoling in a way
at least, it gives you the feeling of being on the other side of the very same coin
as opposed to
boring nada
but you know what i mean, anyways alreayd, right?
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