Tuesday, November 24, 2009

cosmic

It is now you choose to speak.

I have waited patiently for half a decade. I have seen you in my dreams. You have consumed my living thoughts. I have envisioned countless realities where you and I "made it." Countless parallel dimensions where you and I were married, and bore a child, and shared a life. Years I have pined. Years I have cried. For years I have mourned, alone, with only the company of whores, and bottles, and needles, and a dusty collection of memories I have so meticulously archived, to allay me - to pull me thru. I have documented my dreams of you both here and elsewhere. I have recorded the journey.

And it is now you choose to speak.

I've finally met someone R___, I can finally say I have the ability to love again. I met someone remarkable, and beautiful, and brilliant. And in an ironic twist of bitter fate, with utmost, perfect comedic timing, you come back to me. As though you can see life play out around me, after all, you are a gypsy. I can see you watching me thru your crystal ball. Reading my thoughts in the bottom of your coffee cup. Watching the stars twinkle in the winter sky. The timing is too im/perfect.

My God why now?

I now stand before a crossroads. Two paths divert before me. And I feel as helpless and lost as I was when I was young.