I’ve been clean now for five days. No booze, no rock, no coke, nothing at all except bottled water and sleep… lots of sleep. I’m exhausted. Thursday I called in sick and spent the day sleeping. Friday I worked half a day and drank ten cups of coffee and I still snoozed like a preemie in an incubator.
This morning I find myself at my favorite coffee shop slowly savoring a vanilla latte. In between sips I surf and try to write as I unsteadily click on a friend’s laptop cause this joint’s equipped with blue-tooth wireless. My eyelids feel as though they have ten-pound weights attached to them. Most of my concentration is going toward keeping myself from nodding off. I feel like a narcoleptic and my body aches. I popped a couple of ibuprofin 800's to stave off this biting migraine.
My ipod holds 10,000 songs yet I have only one continuously on repeat. It’s one of those tunes you just can’t get out of your head once it finds a place there to stretch its legs, curl up, and kick back like a lazy cat.
Strangely, despite my overwhelming fatigue, my mind feels at ease and the desire to light or shoot up seems miles and miles away. I truly hope I can remain strong. Today is Monday and my agenda tonight is to go out with some old friends, have a couple of cocktails, some laughs, and nothing more than that.
Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again. Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.
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'all you can do' he said ' is praying for him'
startled i looked at the floor. I loved this guy. I was in ninth grade. I saw him slowly but surely destroying himself, well, the self that I knew he wanted to be and that i loved.
'nobody can help when the person doesn't explicitly ask for it'
it took me like five years to learn this lesson. sometimes i felt so selfish for wanting him to stop, because yeah, i wanted him. i was greedy for him, i was jealous of the drugs that were always first before a second thought of the true love i once was for him.
so i learned my lesson and i prayed
until today i don't know whether it helps or not. but just in case it does, i keep on praying....
and i will pray for you tonight, too.
so you can stay strong and enjoy the dawn, and the beautiful evening stars and the laughter that comes from your heart
My iPod makes me do that to - my musical taste cheapens the technology.
Tiny Dancer is that song for me.
It keeps me calm.
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